If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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