So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
