She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
