I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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