THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
