Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
