How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
