So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
