Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
cat food counts as protein by the way
My ATM looks so different sober.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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