I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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