i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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