I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
