So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
