u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
