Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
