You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
