Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
