Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just made out with a guy for $7.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
