in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
