Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
