Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
