Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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