Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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