I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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