Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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