using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
