I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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