Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
