I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
