I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
