I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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