But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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