my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
