we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
