it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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