Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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