can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
