I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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