so explain again why im purple
no
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
