Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
