youre lurking in front of me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
