Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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