end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
