After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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