it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
