i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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