I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
