I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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