I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
