There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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