it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
