Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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