Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
