You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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