I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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