thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
