Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
