Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
