That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
