fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
