why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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