my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
