I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
