i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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