I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This toilet bowl is my home.
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