Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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